Running and Stress

This post will be short because I'm experiencing wrist issues and shouldn't be typing in the first place.

Running is both a stress relief for me, and a cause of stress in and of itself. For the most part, running provides me with the opportunity to warm up my body, hash out ideas, and get away from my desk. It's a fundamental part of how I think through tough problems in my work. Sometimes, however, the work stress is so overwhelming that I running also becomes stressful rather than enjoyable. I'm presently working on a PhD dissertation in European history and it's kicking my ass. I'm mentally running in circles, and I'm so frustrated that I burst into tears every time I even try to talk about my work. I feel a welling tightness and constriction in my chest that I just can't shake. Running when I feel like this is disastrous. I can't breathe, I beat myself up for being slow, and I just generally hate every minute of being on the road.

So, I haven't run since Sunday. Yeah, yeah, that's what? 3 days off. For normal people this would seem, I dunno, normal. For me? It's a big change. I like to put in at least 3 miles of walking or running every day, normally 4-5.

But late last night I figured something out. Pieces of my work and what I need to do with it began to fall into place. This morning, for the first time in weeks, I can breathe deeply and calmly talk about my work. Definitely time for a run.

Today's run was meant to be a "healing" run. Meaning - focused on me, my body, and being outside, rather than time, pace, and distance.

I popped on a Diane Rhem interview about a new biography of Elizabeth II the first and turned on joglog, but turned off all vocal cues. No distance, pace, or time cues of any sort. All I wanted to do was run what I knew to be a 5 mi loop at a pace that just felt right. Well, I need to do this more often. My average pace was 8:49min/mi and I felt good the whole time. I did stop to take 2 water breaks, but the stopping kept me going stronger in between. Even more importantly, I just felt good. Strong. Warm. And capable. Three things that I haven't felt in a while.

The stress of work has thrown my running plan into chaos. But at least I'm still putting one foot in front of the other and getting out the door.